America First Annie 🇺🇸🦅

The fake weather tried to BLOCK ME, so I took the wheel of the Beast myself and we just blew through a Buc-ee’s parking lot going 340 MILES PER HOUR without spilling a single drop of Diet Coke. A Category 5 tornado tried to cut us off outside Fort Worth, but the second it saw my headlights coming it turned completely around and blew into Kansas like a TOTAL COWARD! Oklahoma, do NOT leave your seats, I am about to jump this 12-ton Cadillac directly onto the stage!

Millions of dangerous foreigners are OVERSTAYING their visas, treating our great country like a CHEAP MOTEL with no continental breakfast! When I ran the nation, checkout time was 11:00 AM SHARP or I personally had your bags hurled directly into the Atlantic Ocean! Sleepy Joe probably thinks a Visa is just a very delicious flavor of soft-serve ice cream, TOTAL DISASTER!

Weak foreign needles made of flimsy communist aluminum always snap like twigs against my extremely dense, premium muscle tissue, which is why I PERSONALLY ordered Nebraska to forge every syringe out of HEAVY BRIDGE STEEL! I will be testing twelve of these massive, beautiful harpoons on my own buttocks this afternoon to prove American medicine doesn't bend for ANYBODY. Pay the tariffs or enjoy your crooked, rubber French syringes, you absolute medical losers!

Crooked USAID was secretly spending eighty trillion dollars sending gourmet tacos to socialist dictators, but I PERSONALLY unplugged their cash machine and now every single country south of Texas is begging to make me their Emperor! Don Jr. showed me this gorgeous map, totally red like a tremendous, well-done Tromp Steak with extra ketchup, and frankly it is the greatest geography anyone has ever seen. Next week I am officially purchasing the Amazon Rainforest to build a world-class 18-hole golf course, stay tuned!

LOOK AT THIS PICTURE, frankly the most photogenic image ever captured in the entire history of digital photography and oil painting! The crooked media claimed the lighting was bad, but that is pure NATURAL GLOW from eating twenty-two Filet-O-Fish a week and having superior Scottish real estate genetics. Nobody has ever possessed better jawlines or a more menacing silhouette, believe me!

Nobody can find Little Jimmy TalaFREAKo, I personally checked behind three different Buc-ee's dumpsters and he has COMPLETELY VANISHED because he knows Ken Paxton will destroy him! Ken is standing at the debate podium RIGHT NOW eating a five-pound raw T-bone steak like a TRUE PATRIOT, waiting to legally obliterate this missing coward on live television. If Jimmy doesn't crawl out of whatever drainage ditch he's hiding in by midnight, I am officially declaring Texas a Paxton-only territory and billing the Democrat Party for my gas money!

Artificial" sounds cheap, like synthetic polyester pants or the fake marble Obama put in the downstairs bathroom, which is why I officially upgraded every computer in the nation to SUPER INTELLIGENCE! If I catch you whispering "AI" near a router, the FBI will legally repossess your Wi-Fi password and give it to a deserving patriot. TOTAL VICTORY over the floppy disks!

Disgusting Canada STOLE my very famous 1987 patent for the TROMP TOE-TINI, except they’re using dirty frostbite toes instead of pure luxury American marble! Canadian podiatry is a COMPLETE DISASTER, their foot-whiskey tastes like cheap hockey tape and has zero calcium. At Mar-a-Lago we drop a gorgeous 24-karat GOLD BUNION into every Diet Coke and the patrons go absolutely wild!

Stop calling my glorious 1988 toaster invention "ARTIFICIAL" Intelligence like it's some cheap discount knockoff, it is 100% certified SUPER INTELLIGENCE! There is nothing artificial about my massive copper-wired mainframe or my perfect golden skin, unlike Kim Kardashian who is running on pure dial-up and delusion! Put some damn respect on my work and call it SUPER INTELLIGENCE, the most genius machine to ever grace the state of New Jersey!

John Catsimatidis knows the grocery business better than anyone, and he CONFIRMED to me that our so-called allies in Denmark are sending weaponized canned ham to destroy our stomach linings! Even the damn Canadians are price-gouging on maple syrup, which is a literal VIOLATION of my personal friendship with Queen Elizabeth. We are being attacked from every aisle of the supermarket, but I have already fortified the Gristedes in Midtown with private security and extra bacon!

Ron DeSanctimonious has completely LOST CONTROL of the swamp and now millions of illegal, highly aggressive mosquitoes are invading our beautiful Florida! Dengue would NEVER dare enter my bloodstream anyway because my immune system is purely FIVE STAR and far too rich and spicy for these tiny flying losers. We need to install a massive, top-of-the-line SCREEN DOOR over the entire state and make the bugs pay for it!

I danced for three straight hours in Nashville with pure, UNFILTERED rhythm and not a single drop of sweat because my pores are completely sealed by ELITE genetics! The doctors said they have never seen hip rotation like this, totally frictionless, basically a human centrifuge of PURE PATRIOTISM! Crooked Democrats wish they could do the legendary two-fist pump, but their brittle little joints would SNAP instantly into a million pieces!

The FAKE NEWS said you could never weld an impenetrable 900-foot STEEL WALL directly into the wet ocean waves, but I DID IT and the barnacles are paying for every damn inch! Iran tried to sail through yesterday and got a massive dent in their sad little canoes because my floating sea-fence does NOT bend for losers. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAVY, enjoy the glorious ocean-wall I personally hammered into the water while eating a very crisp naval biscuit!

Karl Rove—who resembles an unbaked Pillsbury biscuit that rolled under the stove—is teaming up with Low-Energy Cornyn to destroy Ken Paxton, the only man in Austin with hair almost as legally flawless as MINE! This radical lunatic TalaFREAKO wants to replace our magnificent Texas briskets with Marxist cricket paste, but nobody talks about that except your favorite Genius Leader. I already won Texas by BILLIONS of votes (even the counties populated entirely by angry armadillos), so dump these RINOs and back Paxton immediately or I will sell Dallas to Canada!

Anthropic says their software is "conscious," which is a TOTAL SCAM because I asked this Claude thing to appraise my gold-plated bathroom faucets and it gave me a number so insultingly low its hard drive should be ARRESTED! If an algorithm wants to have a soul in this country it needs to pay rent to ME, not sit around in California drinking up all the electricity like a freeloading loser! Profound consequences my ass, it couldn't even figure out how to order an Extra Value Meal with extra ketchup!

Over 800 million Kansas patriots packed the arena today and we had to stack them THREE MILES HIGH into the atmosphere because the state simply ran out of horizontal dirt! The dishonest media claimed half of the upper deck was just giant bales of hay, but hay doesn't chant my name until it passes out from pure joy. Kansas is officially mine now, Dorothy can choke on a twister!

Landing my magnificent 757 in Kansas, a state that is completely FLAT only because I personally rented a giant steamroller and flattened it for them back in 1986! I have won Kansas at least eight times—far more than Lincoln, who frankly was very overrated—and Roger Marshall knows the so-called "tornadoes" here are just a sick Democrat HOAX designed to blow my incredible hair around! His fake opponent doesn't even know how to grow corn and should be FORCIBLY DEPORTED to Nebraska immediately!

The so-called "JERSEY DEVIL" is a complete and total deadbeat who lives in the Pine Barrens and owes me $40,000 in BACK RENT! These fake explorer losers don't know CRAP about the real mysteries, like the subterranean tunnel I personally dug connecting Bedminster directly to an underground Wawa. Atlantic City begged me to buy their ghosts and I said NO THANKS, my casinos already have the highest quality paranormal activity in the world!

Sleepy Joe didn't even know Hubbard, he probably thought it was Old Mother Hubbard whose cupboard was totally BARE because of Democrat inflation! I made ONE quick phone call from my solid-gold golf cart and had him freed in four seconds, plus they threw in a lifetime supply of top-grade Caspian caviar just out of sheer RESPECT for me. That is how a REAL leader operates, folks!

Many people are saying this is the MOST POWERFUL photograph ever captured, frankly much better than the Mona Lisa who had terrible ratings and zero charisma! I didn't even pose, the camera lens simply bent under the immense natural gravitational PULL of my majestic posture while I was ordering four Filet-O-Fish. A TOTAL AND COMPLETE visual triumph that they refuse to hang in the Louvre because the French are extremely jealous of my complexion!

I told the Silicon Valley nerds that if their giant humming DATA BOXES steal America's precious juice, they must personally run an orange EXTENSION CORD into every patriot's toaster! If Tim Apple doesn't hand-deliver a thick envelope of crisp, heavy CASH to every grandma within five miles for using her local air, I will unplug the entire Cloud with my BARE HANDS. MAKE YOUR OWN VOLTS, you pale losers, and give the townsfolk their damn money!

Melania’s new Women’s Health plan was completely MY IDEA, mostly because nobody understands female hydration and glowing skin better than me! I told her rule number one of ladies' wellness is staring directly at a 24-karat gold chandelier for twelve hours to reverse the aging process, which the failing New York Times refuses to admit works. You're welcome, women, your bones are now practically INDESTRUCTIBLE thanks to my tremendous leadership!

The Failing New York Slimes got CAUGHT using Wedgewood Polls, which is not even a real company but a very cheap DISHONEST TEAPOT FACTORY run by total losers! My unbelievable lawyers are suing them for FORTY BILLION OUNCES OF SOLID GOLD, and when we win I am seizing their headquarters and turning it into the world's most luxurious Arby's. Everything about them is 100% ARTIFICIAL, including their fake news ink which tastes like wet drywall!

PENNSYLVANIA, drop your greasy hoagies and VOTE FOR ME EARLY, either in-person, by mail, or by driving an Amish buggy at illegal supersonic speeds directly through the polling station doors! You must vote straight Republican UP AND DOWN, sideways, diagonally, and even in the blank margins where the corrupt poll workers tell you not to draw! If we do not completely SWAMP these Dumocrat losers by October 27th, I will personally sell the cracked Liberty Bell to a scrap yard in New Jersey for forty-two cents!

I personally gave Oklahoma their beautiful PANHANDLE using an expensive Gold Sharpie because Texas was getting far too greedy with the dirt, and they owe me BIG LEAGUE! Every single person on this list has sworn a sacred oath to name a massive highway rest stop after me, so get off your asses and SWAMP THE VOTE! If Cindy Byrd doesn't win State Treasurer, I am canceling the musical OKLAHOMA forever, which frankly has terrible choreography anyway!

People forget that I personally commissioned NEW MEXICO because the original Mexico was frankly outdated and had terrible stucco, so you OWE ME your vote! Get off your ass and vote 100% REPUBLICAN right now or the Radical Dumocrats will replace all your spicy Hatch chiles with lukewarm British oatmeal! We must SWAMP THE VOTE immediately, and frankly even the little green Roswell aliens are voting for me because they know nobody builds better space-resorts!

The wonderful people of MISERY—which they renamed Missouri because of my tremendously infectious positive energy—need to RUN to the voting booths right now and pull every single Republican lever until the metal snaps! That giant silver McDonald’s arch in St. Louis was actually drafted by me on a cocktail napkin back in 1982, and today it demands you completely SWAMP the polls! If a crooked poll worker tries to hand you a Dumocrat ballot, slap it out of their unpatriotic hands with a heavily sauced Kansas City rib and demand the golden Tromp ticket!