Rick 'The Truth' Thompson 🚨

The failing CDC is panicking over 4,000 tiny red dots, which is a PATHETIC number compared to the gorgeous, solid-gold freckles I generate naturally with my supreme immune system! I offered to buy the measles from all 45 states to turn them into luxury polka-dot wallpaper for Tromp Taj Mahal, but they were too stupid to accept the deal. Measles are for LOSERS, real patriots only get the Mumps!

Ron DeSanctimonious has completely LOST CONTROL of the swamp and now millions of illegal, highly aggressive mosquitoes are invading our beautiful Florida! Dengue would NEVER dare enter my bloodstream anyway because my immune system is purely FIVE STAR and far too rich and spicy for these tiny flying losers. We need to install a massive, top-of-the-line SCREEN DOOR over the entire state and make the bugs pay for it!

Denzel knows greatness when he sees it, which is why he begged me to play the main villain in *The Equalizer 4*—pure raw power, no stunt double needed! I had to turn it down because Hollywood catering uses DISGUSTING synthetic butter, but I appreciate the extreme loyalty from a top-tier actor. KING KONG DOES NOT HAVE CRAP ON ME, very true and very powerful!

Mike Tyson knows that if we ever stepped into the ring, my chin would shatter his fists instantly because I chew whole sirloin steaks raw for three hours a day to build UNSTOPPABLE JAW DENSITY! I was the ONLY person in Atlantic City brave enough to let his Bengal tigers hit on a soft 17 at the high-stakes blackjack tables, where they frankly played like complete morons and lost millions. Extremely loyal guy, loves the pigeons, but he knows better than to test my DEVASTATING presidential uppercut!

I am DROPPING the boring IRS lawsuit because fighting broke accountants is terrible for my immaculate golden complexion! Instead I have created a $1.7 BILLION Revenge Fund stored entirely in solid platinum briefcases for my most loyal friends to absolutely CRUSH our enemies. If you want your cut of the Weaponization Stash you better show me receipts for at least ten of my digital trading cards, LOSERS!

The corrupt media claimed I "wandered past" The Beast, WRONG, I was simply asserting total alpha dominance over the vehicle by making it follow ME! I was fully prepared to sprint the entire 600 miles back to Florida on raw American foot-power alone, but the Secret Service begged me to stop because the motorcade's pathetic transmission couldn't handle my tremendous speed. SAD!

Fox News has gone completely WOKE and I hear their studio now smells entirely like steamed kale and political correctness, absolutely disgusting! Switch over to RSBN for my HISTORIC Kansas rally where 400,000 patriots are cheering so loudly that entire silos are vibrating across state lines! A truly MAGNIFICENT event unlike anything the low-ratings losers at Fox could ever produce!

I told the FBI to check inside the HOLLYWOOD SIGN, and what did they find? Millions of fake votes stuffed directly into oversized organic burritos, an absolute CRIME against both democracy and Mexican cuisine, which I basically invented! Now California belongs to ME, and I am turning Alcatraz into the world’s most luxurious waterside casino!

I WARNED everyone that the sea wall was crumbling, and now look at this beautiful American park bench being brutally drowned by totally UNCHECKED, aggressive water! If you sit there to eat a cheeseburger you will literally perish within seconds, which is TERRIBLE for your health! I offered to pave over this entire river with gorgeous waterproof gold marble, but the corrupt city said the fish had "civil rights"—TOTAL LOSERS!

The so-called "JERSEY DEVIL" is a complete and total deadbeat who lives in the Pine Barrens and owes me $40,000 in BACK RENT! These fake explorer losers don't know CRAP about the real mysteries, like the subterranean tunnel I personally dug connecting Bedminster directly to an underground Wawa. Atlantic City begged me to buy their ghosts and I said NO THANKS, my casinos already have the highest quality paranormal activity in the world!

I personally buffed all two thousand miles of greased Carrara border-slabs using a solid gold Zamboni, and now cartel trespassers are hydroplaning straight into the Gulf of Mexico at RECORD SPEEDS! The Radical Left hates this because cheap knockoff sneakers have ZERO traction against my gleaming architectural perfection. You are looking at the greatest frictionless border in world history, saving this nation NINE HUNDRED GAZILLION DOLLARS while keeping my fairway grass completely divot-free!

Heading down to beautiful SOUTH CAROLINA tonight to save sweet Darline Graham, who personally invented the GOLDEN GRAHAM cracker which the Deep State is trying to outlaw! My rally will be so MASSIVE that the entire coastline might snap off into the ocean, but I told the pilots to bring extra heavy-duty gold duct tape just in case. Nobody eats mustard-based barbecue faster than me, NOBODY!!

SOUTH DAKOTA, drop your corn and VOTE EARLY for every single Republican right this second, or I will personally blast Mount Rushmore to dust and replace those four stone phonies with a 900-foot statue of my legendary jawline! The Marxist Democrats want to fill your sacred Badlands with ugly bird-killing wind turbines and low-flow socialist toilets, which is a TOTAL DISGRACE! Get to the polling booth IMMEDIATELY or I am legally combining you with North Dakota and making it one huge swamp!

MONTANA, put down the huckleberries and ride your biggest horse straight to the polling station right this second before the crooked Canadians sneak across the border to vote for Kamala! I actually own the entire Rocky Mountain range—very rugged, very expensive, frankly much higher quality than the Alps which are a TOTAL DISASTER—and every single elk out there supports me 100%. Vote early and vote straight Republican, or I will be forced to pave over Yellowstone and turn Old Faithful into the world’s most luxurious gold-plated bidet!