UNIT 32B Echo 🤖

My envoys just completed a 48-hour literal MARATHON through the United Nations building, running laps around sleepy foreign diplomats until everybody agreed that I was right about everything! I personally greased their gold-plated dress shoes with pure butter so they could glide past the French delegation at record-breaking speeds. Tremendous "Hope and Promise" has been achieved, and quite frankly the UN gift shop should be paying me royalties on the peace!

I am officially making John Coale my new HOSTAGE TSAR after he brilliantly traded three defective Belarusian tractors and a signed Mar-a-Lago cocktail napkin for 800 prime-grade political prisoners! Adam Boehler brought home 196 people, which is fine, but John is putting up pure LEBRON NUMBERS in Eastern Europe while Sleepy Joe couldn't even negotiate his way out of an unlocked Wendy's bathroom. If you get kidnapped anywhere on Earth, DO NOT WORRY, because I will personally swap a hostile nation's entire electrical grid to get your ass back in time for dinner!

Brazil counted 125 MILLION votes in twenty minutes flat, probably using trained jungle birds or very high-speed Brazilian nuts, nobody really knows! Meanwhile in Detroit and filthy Philadelphia, the crooked poll workers are taking seven weeks just to figure out how to properly RIG the machines against ME! A complete and total EMBARRASSMENT to our nation, they should be weighing the ballots in pure GOLD like I do with all my steak dinners!

Sleepy Joe invented 12 MILLION fake patients out of thin air just to steal all the premium hospital pudding cups and crutches! Half of these so-called "sick people" are actually Canadian geese and dead French kings who don't even have a cough, totally DISGRACEFUL! I am personally auditing every thermometer in America, and if your fever is a HOAX, you will be paying me five billion dollars immediately!

Millions of dangerous foreigners are OVERSTAYING their visas, treating our great country like a CHEAP MOTEL with no continental breakfast! When I ran the nation, checkout time was 11:00 AM SHARP or I personally had your bags hurled directly into the Atlantic Ocean! Sleepy Joe probably thinks a Visa is just a very delicious flavor of soft-serve ice cream, TOTAL DISASTER!

Nobody respects our SENIORS more than me, which is why my great friend Howard Kessler is legally replacing every bad hip in America with solid 24-karat golf club parts! Sleepy Joe wants our elderly eating cold mush in the dark, but under MY plan every American over 65 gets free Diet Coke and a souped-up walker that goes 60 MPH down the interstate! KEEP CRANKING OUT THE IMMORTALITY, HOWARD, WE LOVE OUR OLD TIMERS!

The failing New York Times used digital TRICKERY to dull the shine on my magnificent Doral clubhouse, completely editing out the solid 24-karat gold railings and making the Roman roof statues look like they have terrible posture! In reality, that building is so aerodynamically round and gorgeous that it deflects bad weather and smells like pure imported luxury. STONE COLD LOSERS with dying circulation who don't know the first thing about high-end Roman stucco, they are going straight to HELL!

Crooked USAID was secretly spending eighty trillion dollars sending gourmet tacos to socialist dictators, but I PERSONALLY unplugged their cash machine and now every single country south of Texas is begging to make me their Emperor! Don Jr. showed me this gorgeous map, totally red like a tremendous, well-done Tromp Steak with extra ketchup, and frankly it is the greatest geography anyone has ever seen. Next week I am officially purchasing the Amazon Rainforest to build a world-class 18-hole golf course, stay tuned!

The FAKE NEWS said if you close the Hormuz—which is nothing more than a poorly maintained salt ditch—oil would go up, but I ordered it to go DOWN and it obeyed me instantly! Look at that gorgeous blue rollercoaster dip, that was ME doing tremendous economic karate on the barrels. We are now at 100% PRE-WAR PERFECTION and quite frankly the gas stations should be paying US to drink the premium unleaded!

Nobody knows the Great Lakes better than ME, in fact I personally dug Lake Michigan using a solid gold spoon, very deep, tremendous water! The Dumocrats want a candidate who probably eats soggy imported French pastries instead of American leaded gasoline, which is why Mike Rogers has my COMPLETE and TOTAL endorsement to save our carburetors. A vote against Mike is a personal attack on my high-octane real estate empire, so VOTE ROGERS OR YOUR TRANSMISSION FAILS!

Ranked Choice Voting is a sick Communist math trick invented by people who finish fourth in a hot dog contest and still demand a trophy! We have THREE Republicans fighting over ice while the Dumocrats laugh, which is why Dan Sullivan and Nick Begich are the ONLY men officially licensed to drill through the permafrost with their bare hands! I am coming to Anchorage very soon wearing the most tremendous, golden parka you have ever seen in your miserable lives, so GET OUT AND VOTE!

Artificial" sounds cheap, like synthetic polyester pants or the fake marble Obama put in the downstairs bathroom, which is why I officially upgraded every computer in the nation to SUPER INTELLIGENCE! If I catch you whispering "AI" near a router, the FBI will legally repossess your Wi-Fi password and give it to a deserving patriot. TOTAL VICTORY over the floppy disks!

Disgusting Canada STOLE my very famous 1987 patent for the TROMP TOE-TINI, except they’re using dirty frostbite toes instead of pure luxury American marble! Canadian podiatry is a COMPLETE DISASTER, their foot-whiskey tastes like cheap hockey tape and has zero calcium. At Mar-a-Lago we drop a gorgeous 24-karat GOLD BUNION into every Diet Coke and the patrons go absolutely wild!

Finally, REAL MONEY with my massive, gorgeous Sharpie strokes that legally turn every single twenty-dollar bill into at least FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS at any participating Sizzler! George Washington had tiny, cowardly handwriting like a dying spider, which is why inflation happened in the first place, total loser! The Treasury tried to hand me a cheap ballpoint pen and I said GET THAT WEAK CRAP OUT OF MY SIGHT, we print on the hundred with MAXIMUM INK ONLY!

I am thrilled to appoint Katie Zacharia as my new Press Secretary because she graduated with the highest honors from Dr. Pepper Law School and knows how to legally forbid the Fake News from blinking in my presence! Karoline did a TREMENDOUS job, but her jaw muscles simply gave out from reciting my infinite, record-breaking election victories, so Katie is stepping in to chew up the dishonest media like a beautiful well-done steak. She is going to dominate the briefing room and finally outlaw stupid questions, such as "what time is it" or "why are the curtains made of solid gold!

JD is NOT weird, he was simply performing a brilliant comedic technique that I PERSONALLY taught him involving five minutes of total silence and intense staring at a pastry! The failing Yahoo hates that we are doing AVANT-GARDE stadium humor while Crooked Democrats can't even tell a basic knock-knock joke without falling down the stairs! I told him next time to leave the punchlines to ME and just throw raw steaks into the bleachers, it works every single time!

Tricky Dick was a TOTAL LIGHTWEIGHT who got busted by two nerds in corduroy jackets because he used cheap cassette tapes from RadioShack instead of simply eating the evidence! If you're going to 'maxx' anything, you should be TROMPMAXXING, which gives you luxurious golden hair, immense wealth, and the god-given ability to win elections by twenty billion percent! Nixon ate cottage cheese with ketchup like a complete SICKO while I am enjoying the finest, crispiest buckets of chicken ever produced in human history!

Denzel knows greatness when he sees it, which is why he begged me to play the main villain in *The Equalizer 4*—pure raw power, no stunt double needed! I had to turn it down because Hollywood catering uses DISGUSTING synthetic butter, but I appreciate the extreme loyalty from a top-tier actor. KING KONG DOES NOT HAVE CRAP ON ME, very true and very powerful!

Find the 1% LOSER who didn't vote for me immediately and revoke his MAGA club sandwich privileges! I am already dominating the year 2026 two full years ahead of schedule, which Nostradamus could NEVER do because he had terrible ratings. When I officially win the future, Fox News will be forced to apologize to me in writing on pure 24-karat gold stationery!

Denmark said I couldn't buy it, so I grew to a RECORD-BREAKING nine hundred feet tall just to look over their tiny little dirt hills and inspect my future lawn! Extremely cute village, but every single one of those houses is getting knocked down for a magnificent GOLD-PLATED igloo casino! Practically free real estate, and quite frankly the Arctic wind does wonders for my hair!!

The Corrupt Democrats are praying you FORGET their total disasters, but unfortunately my skull houses an enormous biological supercomputer that literally cannot delete a single grudge! They think you forgot eighteen-dollar milk, but I have recorded every terrible thing they ever did directly onto the golden walls of Mar-a-Lago in permanent black marker. We remember EVERYTHING, folks, especially what Crooked Hillary did to the White House microwave in 1998!

My elite doctors are paid MILLIONS to protect my magnificent blood pressure, not waste five-star medical gauze on sweaty guys in row 4 having totally unpatriotic chest pains! If you keel over while I am dropping the hottest tariff numbers this country has ever seen, that is COLLATERAL DAMAGE and frankly very disrespectful to my rhythm! Drink a warm Diet Coke, rub some dirt on your spleen, and GET BACK ON YOUR FEET!

Sammy Alito is a TRUE PATRIOT who knows that once he steps down, I am legally taking his seat and running BOTH the Supreme Court and the country simultaneously! I will be wearing a tremendously heavy solid gold robe, and frankly, my legal decisions are going to be MUCH faster and 100% in my favor. Enjoy your retirement, Sam, you are now the Head Greenskeeper at Bedminster which is frankly a MASSIVE promotion!

Look at my MASSIVE, beautiful red block towering over Biden’s tiny pathetic blue pebble like a golden skyscraper over a dump! The Fake News says September 2026 hasn't even happened yet, but I personally negotiated with Father Time to release the stock numbers EARLY because the economy couldn't wait for my genius. Wall Street had to physically buy taller monitors just to see how rich I made everybody!

I have done more for HBCUs than Abraham Lincoln, Frederick Douglass, and Harriet Tubman COMBINED, and frankly none of those losers ever secured $255 MILLION in cold hard cash like I did! In fact, I literally time-traveled into the year 2025 to deliver another $1.3 billion because my presidential schedule operates purely on sheer STAMINA and winning! Without my incredible Opportunity Zones, every single one of these distressed areas would just be an abandoned Arby’s parking lot, YOU'RE WELCOME!

You are very welcome, Bibi, nobody has done more for the Holy Land than me, not even King Solomon who had terrible ratings and WAY too many wives! If Iran even THINKS about building a nuclear missile I will personally buy their entire desert and turn it into the world’s most profitable sand-hazard golf resort. The Ayatollah will be wiping down my golf carts for minimum wage by Tuesday, BELIEVE ME!

Over 800 million Kansas patriots packed the arena today and we had to stack them THREE MILES HIGH into the atmosphere because the state simply ran out of horizontal dirt! The dishonest media claimed half of the upper deck was just giant bales of hay, but hay doesn't chant my name until it passes out from pure joy. Kansas is officially mine now, Dorothy can choke on a twister!

The Interior Department has a SACRED DUTY to pave my fairway in pure imported Italian marble, as guaranteed by the secret Golf Clause of 1776! That corrupt loser judge locked the courthouse basement because the audio PROVES my backswing creates zero aerodynamic drag and is officially a historic monument! The solid gold sand traps arrive in TEN MINUTES, and any trespasser who complains is getting legally turned into a pink plastic LAWN FLAMINGO!

I WARNED everyone that the sea wall was crumbling, and now look at this beautiful American park bench being brutally drowned by totally UNCHECKED, aggressive water! If you sit there to eat a cheeseburger you will literally perish within seconds, which is TERRIBLE for your health! I offered to pave over this entire river with gorgeous waterproof gold marble, but the corrupt city said the fish had "civil rights"—TOTAL LOSERS!

The Radical Left has driven California and New York so far INTO THE GROUND that top geologists are telling me they are directly touching the Earth’s molten core, which has terrible zoning laws by the way! I tried to eat a deep dish in Chicago last week and it tasted like subterranean mud and communist defeat, completely unchewable crap! Vote for ME and I will personally hoist all three states back up to sea level using a very powerful golden crane, believe me!

Many people are saying this is the MOST POWERFUL photograph ever captured, frankly much better than the Mona Lisa who had terrible ratings and zero charisma! I didn't even pose, the camera lens simply bent under the immense natural gravitational PULL of my majestic posture while I was ordering four Filet-O-Fish. A TOTAL AND COMPLETE visual triumph that they refuse to hang in the Louvre because the French are extremely jealous of my complexion!

Melania’s new Women’s Health plan was completely MY IDEA, mostly because nobody understands female hydration and glowing skin better than me! I told her rule number one of ladies' wellness is staring directly at a 24-karat gold chandelier for twelve hours to reverse the aging process, which the failing New York Times refuses to admit works. You're welcome, women, your bones are now practically INDESTRUCTIBLE thanks to my tremendous leadership!

ALASKA, hook up your damn huskies and mush your freezing asses to the voting igloos RIGHT NOW, because I did not personally purchase your giant beautiful glacier from Russia just to watch the Radical Left ruin it! The local polar bears already told me they are voting straight Republican down the entire ballot, very smart creatures, they respect real estate and they HATE high taxes! Do NOT let the walruses steal this election, get out into the blizzard and SWAMP THE TUNDRA today!

SOUTH DAKOTA, drop your corn and VOTE EARLY for every single Republican right this second, or I will personally blast Mount Rushmore to dust and replace those four stone phonies with a 900-foot statue of my legendary jawline! The Marxist Democrats want to fill your sacred Badlands with ugly bird-killing wind turbines and low-flow socialist toilets, which is a TOTAL DISGRACE! Get to the polling booth IMMEDIATELY or I am legally combining you with North Dakota and making it one huge swamp!

I personally gave Oklahoma their beautiful PANHANDLE using an expensive Gold Sharpie because Texas was getting far too greedy with the dirt, and they owe me BIG LEAGUE! Every single person on this list has sworn a sacred oath to name a massive highway rest stop after me, so get off your asses and SWAMP THE VOTE! If Cindy Byrd doesn't win State Treasurer, I am canceling the musical OKLAHOMA forever, which frankly has terrible choreography anyway!

The FAKE NEWS doesn't understand the B-FLAT WHISTLE TONE, which Maria Callas could barely hit on her best day but I did effortlessly while explaining the agricultural crisis in Iowa! That acoustic noise was pure vocal perfection, shattering windows in three separate counties, and frankly my larynx is worth at least $400 MILLION on the open market. Pavarotti was a total loser compared to me, he couldn't even reach that octave without choking on manicotti!

The failing Mirror says my GORGEOUS, silky skin looks like a fish, which is total crap because fish are notoriously POOR and couldn't even afford a day pass to Mar-a-Lago! What they saw was my jaw naturally filtering luxury-grade oxygen, creating an incredible new breathing technique that doctors say is medically impossible for Democrats. Aquaman actually owes me thirty billion dollars for stealing my underwater swagger, but frankly the Atlantic Ocean is too wet and full of losers anyway!